Evolving

by emily on May 11, 2012

I’m delighted President Obama has declared that he supports marriage equality, really I am.  It’s about fucking time, of course, and perhaps it’s a calculated political statement and I don’t care because he’s a politician and that’s what they do.

But it exhausts me that we’ve put this much energy into just getting him to a point where the President of this nation can say, “Yeah, people should be allowed equal rights.”  Setting aside for a moment that I don’t know of a single gay person who has been asked to comment on whether she or he thinks the President should be allowed to be married, we have a lot of real problems in this world.  Serious, real problems that are going to seriously fuck up our future as a species.  That we have to devote this kind of energy to arguing a question like this pisses me off.

I have no doubt that we do need to fight for equal rights if people wish to deny them to others.  But, I can’t understand why people would devote their time and energy to that kind of shit.  Really?  You can’t find a more productive use of your time than trying to stop people you don’t even know from marrying one another?  Is it really more frightening to see two women marrying one another than it is to see thousands of women dying due to inadequate medical care?  Is it really more disturbing to know two men might get married than it is to know that untold numbers of men will get cancer from the air they are forced to breathe?

So, can we stop arguing about this already?  Can we just bow to the inevitable of marriage equality and put our considerable brainpower and resources into, I don’t know, feeding people or cleaning up our water or fighting global climate change?

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I wheeled the orange bike onto the driveway after J had finished taking off the training wheels.  I positioned it and turned to Benjamin.  “OK,” I said, and his leg flew over the bike.  His butt was on the seat before I had a chance to stop him.  “No, wait.  First, you need to hold the bike.”  He climbed off, and then I told him the same thing he heard me repeat to Zachary for more than six weeks last summer: “Two hands on the handlebars, leg over, look where you want to be.”

Two hands on the handlebars.  I backed away.  Leg over.  Child on pavement, wrapped up in bike.

“Remember to look where you want to be.”

“Oh, right.  I forgot.”

Two hands on the handlebars, leg over, looking where he wants to be, child on pavement, but this time three feet away from where he started.  “Good.  Now make sure you start pedaling as soon as you get your foot on the pedal.”

Again.

“I forgot to look where I wanted to be.  But I remembered two,” he told me, as I repositioned the pedal for him.

And again.  Each fall, springing right back up.  Not yelling at me or saying it’s impossible or screaming that he’ll never ride his bike again.

Two hands on the handlebars, leg over, looking where he wants to be, pedaling down the driveway.  All the way to the end.  “That was awesome.  Next time, when you get to the road, turn and keep biking.”  Next time he crashed immediately, as well as the time after.  Break for a Band Aid on his ankle.

Back on the bike.  “Don’t forget to pedal once you’re looking where you want to be.”

“Shut up!  You’re an idiot.”

“Benjamin, don’t talk to me like that.”

“Leave me alone.”  He set his face in a scowl to try to hide his frustration and humiliation that he hadn’t already conquered the bike.  If only he knew how lousy his poker face is.

Two hands on the handlebars, leg over, looking where he wants to be, waiting for the damned student driver idling in front of our house.  “Excuse me, but could you guys please move on?  He’s trying to learn to ride his bike.”  I left off, which I’d rather not have him do next to you learning to operate a vehicle, but it was implied.  We stood and waited while she figured out how to put the car into drive.

Now, two hands on the handlebars, leg over, looking where he wants to be, and pedaling down the driveway and out into the street, where he turned his bike around, pedaled back, and promptly collapsed in the driveway.  “That was AMAZING!  You know how to ride your bike!”

If it’s OK with everyone, we’ll leave off the last three minutes, when he crashed again and made gun fingers at me, thus ending our biking lesson.  We’ll instead focus, as we’ve done for the last two days, on the fact that he’s learned how to ride his bike.  It took Zachary two fucking years to learn to ride his bike after the training wheels came off, complete with dramatic declarations of doom, so I was prepared for a great deal of sturm und drang, yet Benjamin figured it out before his father put away the wrench.

Let’s forget the gun fingers and call this one a win.

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MIA

May 7, 2012

I’m here, I’m alive, everything’s fine.  I mean, for us.  For the six mice we’ve killed this weekend, not so good.  And by “we,” I mean my husband.  I don’t do mice, mouse traps, or mouse-trap removal.  It’s in our ketubah.  I handle all writing, he handles all rodents. I’ll write something soon, I promise.

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Unite

April 23, 2012

A few years ago, many of us thought the abortion issue was resolved.  A red herring in the electoral process, designed to distract us from larger issues.  Who votes based on abortion rights anymore? Well, while we were lounging by the door, the religious right was sneaking in the window.  A lot of scary-ass laws [...]

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And then there’s the woman at 8:50

April 21, 2012

I’m standing outside the Museum of Fine Arts at 8:50 AM, not 100 yards from the spot where, yesterday morning, some guy called me out for yelling at Benjamin.  I’m not yelling now, and Benjamin is happily running up the steps and down the ramp.  Lilah is balancing on a stone curb. Zachary is half [...]

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To the Man Who Saw Me Outside the Museum of Fine Arts Today at 9:52 AM

April 20, 2012

Hi, there.  Not sure if you remember me.  I’m the mom who was yelling at her five-year-old today as you walked past with your wife and two grandchildren.  The mom who turned around to set up the stroller and then turned back to find that her son, in his insatiable need to annoy his three-year-old [...]

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Actually never worked a day in her life

April 13, 2012

Monday at 12:50 AM found me dropping Lilah off at my friend’s house.  Preschool had gotten out at noon, and we had rushed home to a 20 minute lunch.  While she was eating, I scrubbed the peepee out of her shoes from the accident she’d had at preschool; I was careful to stand back from [...]

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When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drums

April 9, 2012

One thing I’ve learned about kids: figure out what works with one child so that you can be quite sure what absolutely will never work with the next one. Advice books on parenting are baffling.  If there isn’t one sure-fire method to getting two children within the same family to go to sleep/eat their veggies/fucking [...]

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Railroad Train Pajamas

April 5, 2012

“What do you like to read?” he asked. “She has three kids; she doesn’t have time to read.” But I do.  I do read.  I read the paper at the table, fighting my daughter for the front section of the New York Times.  I spend extra time in the bathroom to finish an article in [...]

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Pinko

March 31, 2012

Rick Santorum, you may have heard, stopped off at a Wisconsin bowling alley in order to strut his stuff in those snazzy shoes while gettin’ real with the voters.  When a boy reached for a pink bowling ball, Santorum chided him: “You’re not going to use the pink ball.  We’re not going to let you [...]

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